Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
