white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
me + whiskey = a bad person
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
