3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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