gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
