That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
