OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
