I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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