I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
