I cockslap morals
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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