I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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