Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
