i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So much Jack, so little girl.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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