Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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