Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
