I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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