he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
