lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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