I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
