Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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