I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
