i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
