You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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