I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
