does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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