The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
