My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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