You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just invented taco cereal.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
