We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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