The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
