I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
