I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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