so explain again why im purple
no
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
