I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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