The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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