There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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