He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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