i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
