You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
