i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
