Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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