i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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