i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
