He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
