Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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