I can't watch pbs sober anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
