I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
