I think I just saw someone hide a body.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
