you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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