just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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