he puts the penis in happiness.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Boobs are out for the taking
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize