i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
