I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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