I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
