Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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