That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
