i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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