I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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