We're facebook friends in real life
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
