I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
