I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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