at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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