The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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