I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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