You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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