i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
